Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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