I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
