I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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