Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
