I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
