I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
