Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
