yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
