ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
