I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
