K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
