3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
