I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
