Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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