There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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