apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
