dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
