you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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