I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
