I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I want a musical about memes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
