"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
