Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
