well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
