if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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