Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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