a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
