i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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