I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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