what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
