I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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