i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
