I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
