its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
