ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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