We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
