I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sorry about my life...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
