yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
