look no pants
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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