I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
