i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
