Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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