I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We need a shit load of segways right now
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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