I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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