it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
