I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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