Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Alive.
So much puke
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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