I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
