well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
