i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
