she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
