this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
