sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
