U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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