It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
