You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
